Tuesday, April 9, 2013

H is for Hospital

I am not sure how the various spammers who frequent my email address found me, but I have made it a weekly ritual to "Select All" and "Delete" in order to empty my Spam folder of the nuisances.  To insure nothing important gets deleted with the masses, I do scan the soon-to-be trash for a familiar sender's name or an important sounding subject line. Today's point of interest was from "Edith", with the subject line of "…HOSPITAL". While I don't know an Edith, I allowed my mind to roam the vastness of my over active imagination and came to the conclusion that, "Maybe this is an older lady friend of my mom's who has no way of contacting me other then this email, and she's needing to report that something has happened to my mom…" (I have an awesome imagination by the way!) So, I open the email to see what could possibly be wrong with my mom. Ha!

Poor Edith's letter to me (and how many others I wonder) opens with her stating that she is in a hospital in Trinidad dying of liver poisoning. She has no idea who might have done this to her, but she needs my help. Ok, okay…now I know I shouldn't read any further, but I indulge. Edith then tells me that she has $25 million dollars, and that her dying request is for me to reach out to her beloved butler, Wisdom, and give him 10% of the total cash that she is willing to give to me, as soon as I provide her my banking information.  

I immediately think, "What a composed lady!". I can just picture poor Edith being dragged from her home kicking and screaming, despite her acute illness, insisting that she be allowed to bring her bank book and statements, her address book and laptop along with her in the ambulance. I'm so thankful that Edith's emergency techs took such great care of her while in route to the hospital, and even made space for her extra belongings in the rig. I'm sure they easily moved their life saving supplies and equipment around to insure Edith's peace of mind during what was probably the last ride of her life.  

As the email continues, I wonder about Edith's beloved butler and think that her request to give him only 10% of the 25 million she's offering to me isn't really fair. Assuming she might be heavily medicated, I will be sure to slip him at least an extra 15% when she isn't looking. I know with a more clear mind, that is how she would have wanted it. I can just picture Wisdom, since he isn't helping Edith write this email to me, perusing the hospital gift shop searching for the most perfect bouquet of flowers or something equally as cheery to brighten Edith's last moments on Earth. "That Wisdom, dedicated 'til the end!" I think to myself.

Sadly I just don't understand how (I guess it's by God's grace alone) that  poor, withering Edith mustered the strength to wrestle the multitude of IV's from her arm and even the oxygen monitor that was probably stuck to her finger, in order to type out such a lengthy, detailed set of instructions for me. And with not a single type-o! I give it to this lady, despite being moments from death, she's got her act together! She is truly an inspiration and so selfless to share her wealth with the likes of me and her butler. Maybe, with my soon to be newly found income, I'll open up a charitable group to benefit great ladies like Edith!

In closing, let's all take a lesson from Edith. Just because you're moments from death, doesn't mean you have an excuse to give up and just lay there! Get active people!!! Tie up all of your loose ends before your passing, or even WHILE you're passing, so you don't burden anyone else with your unfinished tasks. Be sure to hire good help, and always, always give back to complete strangers.

Rest in peace, dear Edith. Rest in peace. 

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