Monday, March 25, 2013

Expectations

It's funny (well, not really) how you can build expectations up in your head and how the reality of those expectations just never quite pan out. My four day weekend began, in it's planning stages, as a weekend long visit with family built around my participation in a 5K race and ended up as a 3 day weekend with no family, lots of driving, and a lot of unexpected down time. I'll spare you all the renditions of the planning stage, but let's just say, the revisions of my weekend plans could take up a few chapters in my book of life. 

The positive? I set out to do a 5K and did it. I earned an awesome medal, and enjoyed 5k of hugely rolling hills, in an amazingly peaceful nature preserve/park. The drawbacks? Outside of the 5k, I'm disappointed that I feel (so far) that I have not made the most of the rest of my time off. The fact of the matter is, when I return to work tomorrow I'll have hell to pay, meaning, I'll be swamped in catch up work. Knowing myself, when I am at the height of my frustration with the overwhelming workload, I will think back to my weekend and ask myself, "Was it worth it?" and at the moment, I can't say that the answer would be "yes". 

Additionally, my upcoming work schedule for the week is insane, including three 17+ hour days which leaves me with an overwhelming feeling of, if I don't get "it" all done now (laundry, cleaning, errands, etc) I won't have the energy, enthusiasm or time for "it" later.
So how do I balance these feelings and nagging responsibilities? Do I feel sorry for myself about the dashed plans? Do I just pick up and carry on like nothing happened? A bit of both, really.

By blogging and thinking things through here (blogging = cheap therapy) I realize that my time off is mine and deserved no matter what I do with it. I have to push through the mental brainwashing that tells me that time off must be filled with non-stop movement and accomplishments. I have to realize that time off, can be just that. Time off. Away. Period.

So this post now finds me mid way through my Monday, and what have I done? I've slept in, burned a disc for a friend, blogged and ran an errand. I've had breakfast and my beloved morning cup of blueberry coffee, and quite frankly don't give a shit what the rest of the day brings (as long as it's not any more snow). There are numerous ideas of pampering and fun along with responsibilities swirling around in my head but one thing that won't be for today, is a check list of all the things I have to accomplish waiting to be marked off. Screw it. The best things in life aren't planned, and neither is this Monday. 

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