Wordless Wednesday

I love this pic!

Live Happy

I find myself pretty happy these days, and more so, at peace. At a very high level overview, I'm happily married, content with work, and at peace with the relationships in my life. There are moments when I stop to take it all in, appreciate it, and then worry that it won't last but I remind myself that I should be living in the moment. I can't worry about the what-ifs, or what used to be - as hard as that can be some days! This image reminded me of that, so I thought I'd share. 

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Tombstone

What happens when the world makes you feel like you're crazy, but one person with one comment can make it all go away for you? When one statement heals everything? When one conversation ends the torment society (and yourself) has placed in your head? Total freedom and inner peace. Ironically, I found it all in Tombstone. That and a rattlesnake. But that's another story.

Writer's Block

Note to Reader: I've been writing and re-writing this same post for going on almost a month now. At one point, I started a new and different post, but somehow, I keep coming back to this topic. Obviously, my brain isn't ready to move to the next post until I finish this one in some capacity. The great thing is, time heals. Time allows (me) the movement towards being better, and happier. Time introduces you to people who change you, no matter how brief  or long the encounter. At this point, I believe most of this post's original integrity is in tact, but admittedly it is a bit jumbled with (positive) emotions from encounters that occurred after the initial onslaught of my own "girl on girl" drama. If this post seems incomplete, perhaps you can finish the story in your own life for me. I know I'm still working on mine.

Drama

I won't go into the details that lead me to this post, but found this (partial) article about girl on girl drama interesting. It's geared towards teens, but heaven knows based on the people I'm surrounded by there should be an adult version. I guess the author thinks that "adults", and I use that term loosely, should be more mature and beyond the cattiness of such issues? Think again. 

The excerpt below finds me asking myself the same questions. What do I have to gain or lose from failed relationships? And the answer in a few cases seems to be absolutely nothing to lose, and peace to gain. 

"Learning to accept disappointment without always acting on it, and allowing someone to fall short of expectation, teaches a skill that can serve girls in every area of life. Whether it’s at school, on a sports team, or in romance, girls will encounter challenges in relationship that are trivial or intractable. Instead of pushing girls to pour themselves into situations not worthy of their energy and time, parents can ask some of these questions:

How likely is this person to change their behavior?

What might your relationship gain by talking together about this problem? What might your relationship lose?

Even though this friend has let you down, what other important things does s/he give you?

On balance, do you get more than you lose in this relationship?

Are there other friends who can give you what this friend may not be able to?"

I know I hold people to high standards and that I need to manage my expectations of others. This post is not about ditching people who aren't perfect. Rather, people should not be encouraged to pour themselves into relationships with toxic people just because of the amount of time they've known someone, or based on the type of connection (lovers, friends, family, etc) they have. Toxic is different than imperfect.

When I ask myself is this person (who's causing me pain) likely to change?  What do I have to gain/lose? Is there balance, a natural give and take? I find myself answering no. Those of you who know me know this is nothing new where particular people in my life are involved. Nope, it's not a new realization that some people just can't or won't be any better than they currently are. Rather, invoking change after enlightenment is the struggle I've been dealing with.  Staying in this place, space and time with these (particular) people, is more detrimental than beneficial despite the bonds that were/are in place. After much time seeking counsel both inwardly and outwardly and even in different states, I've found a new, happier place. That place is honoring what's truly in my heart, and not in the thoughts of guilt, society, or others' opinions. Finding freedom to follow your heart emotionally is amazing. It's not easy to move on or gain distance from toxicity, but even the baby steps are worth it. 

Transition

"During times of transition, when everything seems to be in flux, when your old patterns have collapsed, you may feel unsteady but are also most malleable to change. Now is the time to explore, brainstorm, consider the make-over before your life begins to naturally solidify into new patterns." - Robert Taibbi

I've been busy orchestrating a move from the city to the suburbs, learning how to be a good (hell, any type of) step-mom, and planning a wedding. Needless to say, life hasn't been about my normal W.I.L.D. adventures lately. My adventures are much more family focused and bigger and better than I could have imagined. I am working hard to appreciate the moments I'm provided, but admittedly have been filled with anxiety and even a bit of depression which has then lent itself to a stressed and crabby version of me that others get to deal with. I don't want to be that person. The thing is, I am not that person. While I am happily embracing my life changes, the fact is they are a huge change and transition for me, none of which comes with a "how to" manual (oh how I wish life did!) so I'm doing my best I can to learn on the fly, course-correct and apologize as needed along the way. 

Being in transition with a long list of "to-do's" that have varied deadlines, you tend to lose a bit of yourself. Or, at least I have. I haven't blogged, done a race event in months, nor have I had any Lynnsanity-specific adventures. Let me clarify the "Lynnsanity-specific" adventures for those of you that may be new to my blog(s). Lynnsanity and W.I.L.D. (What is Lynn Doing?) are silly things in life such as taking a new class, signing up for a "weird and random" trip, and taking on whatever adventures I dare. These types of experiences and outings are things that I identify with where subject matter is concerned, and they force me to challenge myself in some new ways (travel alone, exercise, socialize, relax, etc). They make me who I am and they keep me balanced. They are usually, but not always, done by myself.

This post is not to say I haven't had any fun or explored new, amazing things in the past months. I've had a lot of fun actually. I've been honored to be a part of a class field-trip (which may just be the best thing I've experienced this year to date!), attended the NFL Draft in Chicago, and recently learned a ton of new train details at a local museum stop. I am exploring awesome and amazing things as part of a new team, Team LynnEric-a and I am loving and enjoying every minute of it! This post isn't a bitch session about what I'm missing or giving up, because I'm gaining so many things. But rather, it's about how to maintain one's self to insure that not only am I happy with who I am, but also an effort to be a blessing to those around me.

So how do I blend Lynnsanity and Team LynnEric-a together? The great thing is, I have a built in, partner in crime who's usually up for anything, at any time! The Other Half has already planned our first wedded adventure of caving and hiking in Arizona next month! I can't wait to check out Tombstone and the Pima Airplane Boneyard. 

But the question still remains... What am I doing for myself? Being a part of a team is truly awesome but all things needed aren't always up to the team. Some things you just need to do for yourself. I want to take this time of transition and brain storm on what I can do to make me better and more balanced. I want to take advantage of this "malleable" stage of flux. Thankfully I've already been able to recapture some things like rubber stamping, card making and gardening which prove to be very therapeutic. These are things that I haven't done in over 8 years and am ecstatic to have gotten back into! But where do I go from here? I need some me time. Some down time. Only, I don't know what that looks like right now and since I'm still trying to figure out a new "routine", I don't know what I can realistically take on. A class of some type is probably too much of a commitment right now. But a massage? A walk? A movie for one? Yoga and meditation? Who knows, maybe. I'm not sure what my continued transition will hold, but I'm looking forward to finding it and beginning with this blog post is a good start.

Namaste. 

Juggler

Some days I feel like I juggle it all very well. Some days it makes me sick to think about the days I don't seem to juggle "it" at all. In the archetypes of life, at the very beginning men were hunters and "brought home the bacon", whilst women were gatherers and took care of the home and offspring. When is America going to update this notion, because women have long since left the cave and been doing dual roles with little to no recognition. Most women I know work to balance exercise and diet (yes, I DO consider this work), a full time job, child care, home care (domestic chores) and still get treated like the lesser of the two sexes. I'm sorry, but I think most (not all) men are incapable of multitasking and quite frankly, just run out of steam when they get home from their 8 hour work day. I'm not here to argue whose 9-5 job is more stressful, rather, that a woman's day doesn't end at 5 pm. 

Women's brains are always thinking about the next thing to be done and there's usually very little down time in between tasks. We literally, run ourselves ragged. Now, sure, some women self induce the "crazy" by demanding perfection while men seem more laid back about the status of their household; I'll give you that. But none the less, real or imagined, we women have very hectic lives that far exceed the "gathering" role. We gather work projects, groceries and children, meals and laundry, and well, this list could be it's own blog post but that's not my point.

So then, what is my point you ask?  I suppose that as a fellow juggler, I recognize the hardship of completing the lion's share. Seriously, for those of you who don't get it, here is your pat on the back! So here's to us and cheers to us for making the "crazy" seem seamless and smooth, containing the chaos and taming the tough stuff that, in the end, we wouldn't trade for the world. Chin up and sip up!

Cheers!

 

Admit It

Tonight we dropped off the camper for storing. We headed south towards farmland, and even though it was roughly the same time of day as when we picked it up back in June, the view has changed dramatically. It's dark and cold now. All signs of Spring, and future Summer camping adventures are gone. This unwelcome shift in the hours of light in a day make me finally admit to myself that Fall is here. Until next year my friend. Until next year. 

Spring Sky - Dekalb, June 2015

Farmland Ford