Bus Fare

Someone recently mentioned they were riding the "struggle bus". I found it cute. Annoying. And pretty much dismissed the comment. But now I find myself riding my own struggle bus and all I can say is, how the eff did I get on, and how the eff do I get off?!

I am having such a hard time balancing things. Okay, balancing me. I thought after all the "big events" in my life had occurred, that life would get back to normal. I'd find a routine. I'd get back to doing the things that made me, me. I'm not talking let's build the Great Wall of China here. I'm talking about seemingly simple things, like working out, doing a 5K, and volunteering. But when I think of those things now, I feel exhausted. I feel too exhausted to plan any of those activities, and yet, mentally beat myself up because I'm not doing them. I struggle with spending my time with others (and thoroughly enjoying it) versus doing "me". How do I give up things that currently make me happy in order to do something that I find mentally exhausting, yet know will help me be a better me in the long run? Seriously, this is only shit women do to themselves in their own heads. Ugh.

So how do I win the battle against myself and my own thoughts? I'm writing it (my goals) here, if ever so vaguely, because they say that writing down your intentions improves the likelihood of following through on them. Of course, writing down my intentions also leaves me open to you reading this and then asking me how I'm doing on my goals. Which in turn will just be a painful reminder of goals not met if I've made no progress. So hey, how about you just not ask, okay? Just know that I've asked the bus driver to stop, I've pulled the cord, and if the bastard won't let me off the bus, I'll jump. Just wish me luck for a safe landing.