Jammies

Class is postponed. I'm tired. I feel an urge to shop with accrued gift cards. I think about a manicure. Instead I creep home in traffic. Upon arrival, I change into actual pair of pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt. I hardly ever wear true pajamas to sleep in, versus some make shift outfit of tank tops and workout shorts. 

I make dinner and sit Indian style on the couch. I'm conflicted and flip channels between Big Bang Theory and Grey's Anatomy (Grey's eventually won). My biggest responsibility of the night came in the form of adjusting the color on my TV and taking my dishes to the sink. Oddly, it was one of the best "me" nights ever. 

When I thought about what was so peaceful about, and what made this night so different than others spent alone, my thoughts centered on my bottoms. The warm, fleecey comfort of my jammie bottoms. Something about them brought me back to a younger year, and a simpler time. Perhaps a reminder of days of old when I lay sick on the couch and was cared for by my mother. Perhaps just being snuggly warm was it's own comfort? Whatever the reason, I found a new appreciation for my jammie bottoms. 

Unbreakable

If

If you cut me off in traffic...
If you butt in on other's people's business, especially mine...
If you believe everything you see on social media is true...
If you don't take the time to get to know the real me...
If you assume...
If you think "it" is all about you...
If you demand answers to questions you have no right to ask...
If you act like a big baby...
If you're a jerk and everyone tells you so but you refuse to believe them or change...
If you complain 24/7...
If you don't contact me in over a year...
If you constantly yank on your dog's leash...
If you leave your garbage all over for someone else to clean up...
If you can't say "thank you"...
If you feel entitled...
You suck.

Donuts

This weekend I jogged a 5K. Ok, I walked 99% of it, but did jog a little. I ate donuts. Ok, I ate part of a few donuts because it was too hard to pick just one. I saw the movie Home.I didn't like the movie Home. 

Sunday I attended C2E2. I saw some great artists and friends at C2E2. Lunch at Tio Luis's was great, but dinner at a friend's house was even better.

Ride

I'm not a big Nicholas Sparks fan. I don't read his novels, and don't care for the odd endings of most of his book-to-movie stories. I was surprised however that I enjoyed his latest on screen novel, The Longest Ride. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Of course, I could be biased because I expected nothing from the experience - you be the judge!

"Ira Levinson is in trouble. At ninety-one years old, in poor health and alone in the world, he finds himself stranded on an isolated embankment after a car crash. 

Suffering multiple injuries, he struggles to retain consciousness until a blurry image materializes and comes into focus beside him: his beloved wife Ruth, who passed away nine years ago. Urging him to hang on, she forces him to remain alert by recounting the stories of their lifetime together—how they met, the precious paintings they collected together, the dark days of WWII and its effect on them and their families. 

Ira knows that Ruth can't possibly be in the car with him, but he clings to her words and his memories, reliving the sorrows and everyday joys that defined their marriage.

A few miles away, at a local bull-riding event, a Wake Forest College senior's life is about to change. Recovering from a recent break-up, Sophia Danko meets a young cowboy named Luke, who bears little resemblance to the privileged frat boys she has encountered at school. 

Through Luke, Sophia is introduced to a world in which the stakes of survival and success, ruin and reward—even life and death—loom large in everyday life. As she and Luke fall in love, Sophia finds herself imagining a future far removed from her plans—a future that Luke has the power to rewrite...if the secret he's keeping doesn't destroy it first.

Ira and Ruth. Sophia and Luke. Two couples who have little in common, and who are separated by years and experience. Yet their lives will converge with unexpected poignancy, reminding us all that even the most difficult decisions can yield extraordinary journeys: beyond despair, beyond death, to the farthest reaches of the human heart."

Ziggy Tango

Today's dog training session was more than your typical obedience session. Just about anyone can train a dog to sit or stay but what happens when the dog in question knows all the basic behaviors? What happens when the dog at hand has an emotional issue? How do you train away an emotional response that then leads to physical issues?

Desensitize.

Per Wikipedia, desensitization is defined as the diminished emotional responsiveness to a negative or aversive stimulus after repeated exposure to it. It also occurs when an emotional response is repeatedly evoked in situations in which the action tendency that is associated with the emotion proves irrelevant or unnecessary. Desensitization is a process primarily used to assist individuals unlearn phobias and anxieties. 

Desensitizing a dog to the car was on the agenda for today's lesson. It's not easy, and takes a lot of patience but is amazing when you see the work pay off. At the top of the hour long lesson, Ziggy the dog put on the brakes and would not walk near her owner's car. The closest she would allow herself to the vehicle was about 6 feet. After many walks by the car, away from the car, ignoring the car, jiggling of door handles without getting in the car, being picked up and put back down near the car, and lots of treats later Ziggy, while still not in love with the car, willingly put her front feet on the car door threshold as if to jump in. In case you don't recognize it, that's huge progress in the dog training world.

You might ask, how big is Ziggy? Why not just pick the dog up and put it in the car. Sure, you can go that route, but it doesn't change or help the dog. What we are actually working on is a therapy of sorts to get the dog's emotional response to change, not overpower it and bend it to our will. So often as humans we want the instant fixes and don't respect the relationship with our animals. We want an obedient animal, and the thing is, Ziggy is obedient. Most dogs are. When a dog doesn't "behave" as we wish it to, 9 times out of 10 I can say it's due to lack of training and understanding what it is we have actually taught our dogs to do. 

Next time you start to pull on your dog's leash to drag them somewhere, or loose your patience with them for something they're not doing, take a deep breath and think about what is actually going on. Your dog is not doing "it" to spite you, rather, they need more assurance and direction from you. Treat the relationship with your dog like that you would of a dance partner; lead the way, offer support and don't step on their toes! Tango on my friends. 

Wordless Wednesday

Catsup

Catsup.

Ketchup.

Catch up.

I like all three, but catching up with an old friend over a warm bowl of soup is the best. 

Letter

From the Elephant Journal...

Dear Future Love of My Life:

I know. I should have written before. 
Forgive me.

But I got the feeling that you were beginning to think I didn’t exist. But I do. And I wanted to let you know that while I might be as elusive as a unicorn grazing in a field of four leaf clovers, I’m close.

I’m around the corner, down the street, on Facebook, in your office, at our local coffee shop, a complete stranger.

I made eyes at you once on the subway.

I saw you across the room at a party.

I swiped you right on Tinder.

But it’s not our time yet. And I know you’re wondering why.

It’s really not fair that you've had to wait this long, or go on blind dates, endure bad sex, settle for "meh" relationships, feel misunderstood, cry from loneliness, wrap your arms around a pillow as you fall asleep at night.

I’m so sorry, my love. You deserve an explanation.

So here it goes. It’s taken me a long time to even admit this to myself much less to you, so please know that everything I’ve written here is true.

The reasons we haven’t met yet, in no particular order:

1. I haven’t thrown out the list of things I think you should be.

2. I’m with the wrong person right now.

3. I’m not ready to be loved unconditionally.

4. Since my life isn't together, I think you’ll reject me.

5. I still believe that drama is a show of love.

6. I’ve been intentionally keeping my head too busy to think with my heart.

7. I need to date more to understand what I do and don’t like.

8. I won’t be able to appreciate you until life has kicked my ass.

9. I’m too focused on my own needs.

10. I don’t know how to create the feeling of home that lives in my heart.

Clearly, I’m not my best self yet. Or even myself—I’m still figuring out who that is. I’m pretty sure even if we did meet, you wouldn’t like me all that much right now. It’s entirely possible that we did hit it off once, and I left without getting your information; or maybe I did get your number and never called because of any one of the above reasons.

Be patient with me, darling heart.

Know that I’m working my way toward you. So don’t spend any more time thinking about where I am or am not. Just keep making your life exciting and full, so when we do finally come together, we can bring each other joy, because we are already happy.

I know it’s taking longer than you’d like. It’s a hell of a lot slower than I could have ever imagined.

But I’m here.

This is me talking to you. And I’m not going anywhere.

Don’t give up on me.

Yours,

In perpetuity,

The Love You Haven’t Met Yet

Weber

Gotta love impromptu dinner invites.

Especially when it's for wine and grilling! 

Mango

This is not Mango. But this is the face she made upon meeting me. Evil? Going to bite my hand off? You might think so. I mean, look at all those teeth! But I know better. Submissive grin? Fearful? Shy? Stressed? All the above. Poor pup.

So how do I interact with a dog who is all but shut down and unapproachable? Show submissive behaviors right back! Mango had little interest in coming near me initially but with some yawns, eye glances, squatting down and ignoring her, I made a new friend who was asking to be petted in about fifteen minutes. This is not typical of shy dogs, but patience and finding just the right spot to scratch paid off.

The highlight of my visit was trying to get Mango outdoors. How do you get an 80 pound dog to move who doesn't want to? In this case, I left a trail of treats heading to the door, walked outside, left the door open behind me and got comfortable. I sat on the porch in hopes that my new friend would follow me like Hansel and Gretel, but expected nothing. I was elated when after a few minutes, the furry fruit-named dog was next to me! I even got a "paw". 

After a few treats, I even captured this last pic of what I consider a relaxed dog enjoying the sunshine and breeze. Happy smiles Mango! What a great lesson in patience and allowing things to come to you in their own way and time. 

Camel

Celebrate

No more fighting for this girl, something I've been working on, for, and towards finally came through for me today! Time to (continue to) be grateful, celebrate and live and love in the moment! I will enjoy and appreciate this happiness.

Donate

Just another super-hero disguised as a human. 

You can be one too.

Donate blood.

Save lives.

TJO

Haven't seen these boys in a hot minute. Okay, more like years. I miss them. I miss their music. So, what better way to hang out at a reunion of sorts? Take bad selfies of yourself taking a selfie!

The Jacobson Organ

Valet

I was forced to valet my car tonight. I despise valet and consider it an invasion of privacy far more than I consider it a convenience or luxury. I know, I know. Paranoid? Maybe. But ever since the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off, the imagery that comes to mind when one mentions "valet parking" is that of my car being taken away for a day of highway laps around the city faster than a speeding bullet.

It never fails, if forced to valet (after twenty minutes of looking for alternative parking!), I immediately start hiding everything of "value" that's too big to fit in my purse while all other items start being packed up. Yep, all smaller items such as spare keys, loose change, paperwork, umbrellas, CDs, chargers, and anything else that isn't nailed down find their way into my handbag for the night. What I end up with is a twenty pound purse, odd looks from the attendant and a mountain of crap to dig through when I'm trying to find my wallet to pay for my half of dinner at the end of the night. Kind of embarrassing when you're pulling out a months worth of mail and dog treats in a high end restaurant. But hey, a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do.

I think the biggest insult to injury during tonight's valet parking event was that they didn't actually park my car anywhere! It sat in the same street spot I left it, waiting for them to drive it away. I paid thirteen dollars to park my own car? A meter would have been cheaper. Of course, the "pros" are that I could watch my car from the restaurant window and had no worries about strangers commandeering it, but the major con? I felt totally ripped off! Oh well. The fact is, at the end of the night, I got parking, enjoyed dinner, and had a first world problem that I could write this post about. Cest la vie!

Bananas

This is the best dessert I've had in a long time! I have no idea what Sabatino's put in their Bananas Foster to make it so amazing, but it was a little piece of heaven! I've tried this dish a few times in the past and always found it to taste too alcohol heavy, but this treat tasted more like a sweet cinnamon Rumchata mixture. Totally amaze-balls.

Elastic

Elastic Heart - Sia

And another one bites the dust

Oh why can I not conquer love

And I might have thought that we were one

Wanted to fight this war without weapons

And I wanted it, I wanted it bad

But there were so many red flags

Now another one bites the dust

Yeah let's be clear, I'll trust no one

You did not break me

I'm still fighting for peace

I've got thick skin and an elastic heart

But your blade it might be too sharp

I'm like a rubber-band until you pull too hard

I may snap and I move fast

But you won't see me fall apart

'Cos I've got an elastic heart

And I will stay up through the night

Let's be clear, won't close my eyes

And I know that I can survive

I'll walk through fire to save my life

And I want it, I want my life so bad

I'm doing everything I can

Then another one bites the dust

It's hard to lose a chosen one

You did not break me

I'm still fighting for peace

I've got thick skin and an elastic heart

But your blade it might be too sharp

I'm like a rubber-band until you pull too hard

I may snap and I move fast

But you won't see me fall apart

'Cos I've got an elastic heart

Surfacing

Tired

Priorities

Racing around after work today, getting things in place for the upcoming Easter holiday and I had to question the following. I am in need of some down time, so do I relax and go see a 2 hour movie and do nothing else? Or do I compromise and get a 45 minute manicure and then finish my "chores" and errands? Well, lets just say my nails look great!

Wordless Wednesday